Talk:Demiguy/@comment-38048726-20190104181558
I've been trying to put a name to my gender identity, but not really finding a good fit. 'Demiguy' is the closest thing I've found so far, but is it the right term for me? I've managed to work out that I'm something along the lines of a theoretical androphile; theoretical only because I'm married to a gay man & monogamous, but am attracted to masculine traits, whether or not they're attached to a cis male. (And let's get one thing clear from the outset - I've nothing against anyone else' identity, their expression of it, or how they label it. You do you, and I'll do me - whatever that happens to be, it's all good.) I was assigned male and I don't feel any body dysphoria. I've lived with he/him/his as my pronouns for so long that I don't really care. I don't feel like a 'she' or a they'. Still, my use of masculine pronouns is more a matter of convenience than identity. To look at me, say in a still picture, there's nothing particularly remarkable. No piercings or tattoos, I have a close-cropped beard, natural hair color (never dyed), nothing fancy about my hairstyle or clothing (in fact, a former roommate who worked in the clothing industry once described me as "sartorially challenged".) I don't wear much jewelry (generally nothing more than my wedding ring and a simple chain & pendant, which I wear inside my shirt.) I suppose maybe I've cultivated my 'unremarkable' and 'boring' appearance in an attempt not to stand out. It doesn't work, though. Psychological/Personality tests tend to place me dead in the middle between 'typically masculine' and 'typically feminine'. (And I'm not talking about online tests; I'm talking about professionally administered tests, pre-Internet. I ain't exactly young.) Still, I get called "ma'am" on the phone with some frequency, despite my voice being more in the baritone range, which I presume is because I score as more verbal than the average guy. I occasionally get "ma'am" in person, too. I guess it's my lack of a strong masculine presentation beyond mere looks, coupled with the longstanding social norm of defining gender as a split binary that leads people to assign me one or the other in their minds, even if they aren't conscious of it. No one will mistake me for 'butch', but I don't identify as 'femme', either. I perceive gender as more of a spectrum, with myself planted somewhere toward the middle.of it. I like some 'guy' things, but I don't feel a strong connection with being a guy. I like some 'girly' things, and while I maybe connect better emotionally with women than with other men, I really don't see myself as one of them. (Mostly, I don't really get what makes something a 'guy thing' or a 'girl thing', apart from statistical averages. I have a problem with 'norms' and 'averages' being translated as 'rules'. But I digress...) I wouldn't describe my identify as fluid, but more fixed 'between'. Since I present as a man and don't experience dysphoria, I think 'demiguy' would fit better than something strictly neutral. I've looked at definitions of agender, non-binary, etc. but they didn't exactly give me a 'Eureka!' moment. Genderqueer might actually be close, but I grew up with 'queer' as a pejorative and therefore would never identify myself that way. I'm also not trying to be outside the mainstream; I just am. Does any of this resonate with anyone? I get that we're all unique, but I'd also like to think that I'm not entirely alone when it comes to this subject. Is there such an identity as 'between, presenting as male'?